Who Am I?

     Those 3 words have been driving me crazy recently. People tell you that in college you change and begin to discover who you really are. They are definitely right about that.

    Already as I am a couple months into college, I'm beginning to find this statement more true than ever. College opens up opportunities, freedom, and responsibility. I'm not saying I have it all figured out because I most certainly do not.

     Today I felt absolutely sick to my stomach and didn't really know why. All the sudden a hundred different things were racing through my head. I suddenly became overwhelmed and broke down. This is not something that happens everyday. The main thing that I kept thinking about was the question, "Who am I?" I realized I don't really like the person I'm becoming. There is nothing to explain what happened today other than the fact that the Lord opened my eyes and broke me down, helping me understand where this path would lead. I just haven't been myself and I've been putting my Savior on the back burner recently.

     Who I am should be defined in Christ. Not in college, my friends, or the world. I was in need of a wake up call and a reminder of why I'm here at Arkansas Tech and the mission He has called me to here. Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways but He grabs a hold of your heart and shows you His path. 

    He has so much to teach me and now I know I'm really ready to turn around and start chasing His name. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Romans 5:1

     

Senior Year Comes to a Close...

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." ~Jeremiah 17:7

My senior year at Har-Ber High School was not an easy one. A lot happened this year both good and bad. It was fun. It was a challenge. It was a learning experience. It was a time to grow. It was time to plan. A time to make decisions. A time to mature. A time to take on responsibility. A time to realize what your future might hold. 

Senior year will never be forgotten. The friends I've made, the friends I've lost. The hundreds of pictures that created memories. The Lord has really done a lot in my life this year. I'm not perfect. I made mistakes but they became great lessons that were learned. I learned a lot this year and I learned a lot about who I am.

The Lord did a lot of work in my life this year and made me the person I am today. Without Him, my family, and friends (you know who you are) I never would survived this year. It was hard. It was rough. But the good times were great and I will cherish those memories forever.

As you grow up people start to change and so do you. I did. The Lord works in crazy ways. Sometimes you don't understand and you have to trust that He has your best interests at heart always. His plan is greater than one we can get imagine or comprehend.

Trusting Him has always been one of my biggest struggles, but He constantly reminds me over and over, like He did this year, that when you Trust in Him, He will provide. I've been so blessed this year by the people that the Lord has brought in my life and I could never thank Him enough.

I had so much fun this senior year and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me these next 4 years at Arkansas Tech.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11

What Began as a Meeting...

Today was a pretty average Monday, like most Monday's go. I was called out of my 6th period class to meet with my counselor about college and scholarships. I was expecting a normal counselor meeting... BUT the Lord always has a different plan that what you expect.(:

My counselor asked me the basic college questions like: Where are you looking at going? What do you want to be? How are you going to pay for it? The normal questions that most people would ask. I've met with him on other school occasions before so he knew a little about me.

He finally looked at me and said, "Paxton, who is in control of your life?" I was in shock, I almost didn't know what to say. This is where the Lord presents Himself in ways you can't even imagine sometimes. He said, "This isn't a trick question." I then with tears in my eyes said, "He is." My counselor looked at me and we both knew what had just happened. Through my SCHOOL COUNSELOR, who I've never really shared about my faith with, the Lord presented Himself to remind me that He is in control, that He will provide for me, that He has bigger plans for me than I have for myself, and that He keeps his promises.

We then continued to have a conversation about how He will guide me and be with me through this difficult and stressful of big college/future decisions. He asked me if it was ok if he shared his favorite scripture with me and I told him I would like that. This is what he then proceed to share with me:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call My name. You will come to Me and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will search for Me. And when you search for Me with all your heart, you will find Me. I will let you find Me,' says the Lord. 'And I will bring you back from your captivity. I forced you to leave this place, but I will gather you from all the nations, from the places I have sent you as captives,' says the Lord. 'And I will bring you back to this place.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

I think so often we only see Jeremiah 29:11 and stop reading there, even myself. But my counselor brought to my attention the verses that follow. They were so warming to heart and brought an overwhelming amount of peace to my heart. Next he shared:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I know for me personally, giving my future and my decisions to Him and fully trusting that He will take care of them and protect me is hard. I like deciding what I do and I like taking control of things myself. Yet again I fail and I'm wrong, over and over again. He proves Himself trustworthy constantly and today was just one example. I'm absolutely amazed and in awe of how He works in those around us.

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us."