Who Am I?

     Those 3 words have been driving me crazy recently. People tell you that in college you change and begin to discover who you really are. They are definitely right about that.

    Already as I am a couple months into college, I'm beginning to find this statement more true than ever. College opens up opportunities, freedom, and responsibility. I'm not saying I have it all figured out because I most certainly do not.

     Today I felt absolutely sick to my stomach and didn't really know why. All the sudden a hundred different things were racing through my head. I suddenly became overwhelmed and broke down. This is not something that happens everyday. The main thing that I kept thinking about was the question, "Who am I?" I realized I don't really like the person I'm becoming. There is nothing to explain what happened today other than the fact that the Lord opened my eyes and broke me down, helping me understand where this path would lead. I just haven't been myself and I've been putting my Savior on the back burner recently.

     Who I am should be defined in Christ. Not in college, my friends, or the world. I was in need of a wake up call and a reminder of why I'm here at Arkansas Tech and the mission He has called me to here. Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways but He grabs a hold of your heart and shows you His path. 

    He has so much to teach me and now I know I'm really ready to turn around and start chasing His name. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Romans 5:1

     

Senior Year Comes to a Close...

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." ~Jeremiah 17:7

My senior year at Har-Ber High School was not an easy one. A lot happened this year both good and bad. It was fun. It was a challenge. It was a learning experience. It was a time to grow. It was time to plan. A time to make decisions. A time to mature. A time to take on responsibility. A time to realize what your future might hold. 

Senior year will never be forgotten. The friends I've made, the friends I've lost. The hundreds of pictures that created memories. The Lord has really done a lot in my life this year. I'm not perfect. I made mistakes but they became great lessons that were learned. I learned a lot this year and I learned a lot about who I am.

The Lord did a lot of work in my life this year and made me the person I am today. Without Him, my family, and friends (you know who you are) I never would survived this year. It was hard. It was rough. But the good times were great and I will cherish those memories forever.

As you grow up people start to change and so do you. I did. The Lord works in crazy ways. Sometimes you don't understand and you have to trust that He has your best interests at heart always. His plan is greater than one we can get imagine or comprehend.

Trusting Him has always been one of my biggest struggles, but He constantly reminds me over and over, like He did this year, that when you Trust in Him, He will provide. I've been so blessed this year by the people that the Lord has brought in my life and I could never thank Him enough.

I had so much fun this senior year and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me these next 4 years at Arkansas Tech.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11

What Began as a Meeting...

Today was a pretty average Monday, like most Monday's go. I was called out of my 6th period class to meet with my counselor about college and scholarships. I was expecting a normal counselor meeting... BUT the Lord always has a different plan that what you expect.(:

My counselor asked me the basic college questions like: Where are you looking at going? What do you want to be? How are you going to pay for it? The normal questions that most people would ask. I've met with him on other school occasions before so he knew a little about me.

He finally looked at me and said, "Paxton, who is in control of your life?" I was in shock, I almost didn't know what to say. This is where the Lord presents Himself in ways you can't even imagine sometimes. He said, "This isn't a trick question." I then with tears in my eyes said, "He is." My counselor looked at me and we both knew what had just happened. Through my SCHOOL COUNSELOR, who I've never really shared about my faith with, the Lord presented Himself to remind me that He is in control, that He will provide for me, that He has bigger plans for me than I have for myself, and that He keeps his promises.

We then continued to have a conversation about how He will guide me and be with me through this difficult and stressful of big college/future decisions. He asked me if it was ok if he shared his favorite scripture with me and I told him I would like that. This is what he then proceed to share with me:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call My name. You will come to Me and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will search for Me. And when you search for Me with all your heart, you will find Me. I will let you find Me,' says the Lord. 'And I will bring you back from your captivity. I forced you to leave this place, but I will gather you from all the nations, from the places I have sent you as captives,' says the Lord. 'And I will bring you back to this place.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

I think so often we only see Jeremiah 29:11 and stop reading there, even myself. But my counselor brought to my attention the verses that follow. They were so warming to heart and brought an overwhelming amount of peace to my heart. Next he shared:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I know for me personally, giving my future and my decisions to Him and fully trusting that He will take care of them and protect me is hard. I like deciding what I do and I like taking control of things myself. Yet again I fail and I'm wrong, over and over again. He proves Himself trustworthy constantly and today was just one example. I'm absolutely amazed and in awe of how He works in those around us.

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us."

Life ISN'T Simple, That's Why He Gives Us an Instruction Manual

No one told you life was simple, that life was going to be easy. BUT it's a good thing the Lord gave us an instruction manual! Every time I read His Word and His promises, He begins to reveal the answers to life. He hasn't left us on this Earth with no idea what to do, He loves us too much.

1. PRAYER
If you've ever heard or been told that "prayer is the most powerful thing," whoever told you that was absolutely right.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." -Matthew 7:7-8
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." -Matthew 21:22
 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." -Mark 11:24

2. FORGIVENESS
Without forgiveness where would we be? He loves us enough to forgive us for the sins and mistakes we constantly make. What's not fair is having the most perfect God to die a horrible death for all of our faults and sins. What would be fair is death, for all of us as sinners. But thankfully Jesus came and saved us from the wrath we really deserve.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  -1 John 1:9
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." -Ephesians 1:7
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" -2 Corinthians 5:17

3. FAITH
Faith is the reason for everything. The reason to believe. The reason our Father, Savior, Lord, and Messiah wants to have a relationship with us, wants to be with us, guide us, help us, and love us. He's the reason for all of it. The reason we find light in the darkness, peace in the restless, hope in the hopeless. 

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'" -Matthew 17:20
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.'” -Mark 10:27

In the Midst of Trial...We Find Joy

"My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these trials test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need." - James 1:2-4

"But when you ask God, you must believe and not doubt." - James 1:6

As we're studying James in FSM, I've been challenged immensely. As I re-read James 1:2-4 it became more and more convicting. I've never been the one in the moment of a trial to find or even think about joy. I'm also very stubborn and have great difficulty when it comes to being patient.

Do you ever pray for something to happen or something you need but while you're praying you find yourself doubt that the Lord can really do what you're asking?

I have! When I read James 1:6 and actually thought about it, it's like a slap in the face to Him when we doubt Him and His power. He created EVERYTHING! He works MIRACLES! Why do we even consider doubting Him?!?! As I asked myself this question, I was slightly embarrassed. When we are going to Him, we should BELIEVE!

Recently I've been challenged and put up against trials. The only reason I could breathe and come out of these trials with some sanity is because this time I actually believed, prayed, and asked Him to guide me in the aspect of these trials, to help me overcome and be filled with His joy. No other want, need, or satisfaction will EVER make you feel like that. To be overwhelmed with His joy and comfort in the midst of a trial is mind boggling.

To personally know a God that can do that is the most joyful thing one can experience. We don't ever give Him enough credit. What an incredible God we have!(:

Been One of Those Days...

Seems like this week has been a pretty rough week for most people. I feel the exact same way. But after tonight there are some things on my heart that I really want to share.

My cell group and I spent about 30-45 minutes praying alone and with one another in a prayer room tonight. When you're having a rough week that puts you in a definite low, it's incredible to see how the power of prayer and His strength can change everything. Tonight as I prayed and spent time talking to Him, I felt a giant weight being lifted and an overwhelming peace in my heart. At a moment of weakness from this stressful week I felt His strength. As humans we were made weak so that we could see, need, and rely on His strength during the weak, rough, and difficult times.

"The Lord gives strength to His people, the Lord blesses His people with peace." -Psalm 29:11

I've come to realize that most of time I try to be strong for myself and everyone else. Yet every time I attempt to do that I fail. Why? Simply because without Him, I have no purpose, meaning, strength, peace, or value. He is the source of life, every reason we are here, ALIVE! That alone is an amazing amount of strength that only He will EVER posses.

'But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired." -Isaiah 40:31

It Was All Me?...no, HIM!

*Has someone ever tried to take credit for what you've done? I know I have and how do you think He feels?

- We all want credit for the things we do, so does He.
- When He does something amazing and great, He wants all of us to know it was Him.
- One of the greatest things God has ever done is provide us with salvation from our sins. Through Him we were brought to life. Through Him our sinful hearts were transformed into hearts that desire and want to be more like Him. In Him we were made pure, holy, and blameless in His beautiful, wonderful, everlasting sight.

We had NOTHING to do with it, it was ALL Him!

"I mean that You have been saved by grace through believing You did not save yourselves; it was a gift of your own efforts, so you cannot brag about it." - Ephesians 2:8-9

- It is only through God's grace that we're saved. Your salvation is not dependent on who you are or what you've done -- but only on who He is and what He's done!

"But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away from God are brought near through the blood of Christ's death." -Ephesians 3:13

"God gave that grace to us freely, in Christ, the One He loves." - Ephesians 1:6b